TV
Can Britney pass the Paula Abdul test?
Wait, we're supposed to be the one judging the one-time pop princess. She'll try and turn the tables on "X-Factor"
Britney Spears (Credit: AP/Evan Agostini) Rumors have been swirling for weeks that Britney Spears would join Fox’s “X-Factor” as a new judge, and yesterday it became official. At the Fox upfront, the annual presentations underway this week in which the major networks sell their new shows to advertisers, and then ply them with alcohol and vast buffets, Britney and Demi Lovato were introduced as the reality competition’s new judges, joining L.A. Reid and Simon Cowell, who appeared on the show last year. Lovato, the 19-year-old former tween star who has already had her own public difficulties with drugs and eating disorders, excitedly told the crowd she was “psyched” to be joining the show. Spears, in a smokier voice than the one she used to have, also expressed her excitement, capably delivering the line that had been written for her. Spears was onstage for all of two minutes, but it was enough to spark my imagination: What is an entire season of Britney Spears talking going to be like?
Thanks to Paula Abdul, the bar for speaking coherently as a judge has been set remarkably low. Paula was one of the original judges when “American Idol” began 10 years ago, and she made the jump with Cowell to “X Factor” last year, where she continued to vend her particular brand of addled kindness, never saying anything mean or insightful, and often saying it in spacey and strange ways. Spears is, of course, way more famous than Paula Abdul, and if she sits on the panel and says nice, meaningless things to the contestants each and every show, she will have earned her money. (It’s basically what the booted Nicole Scherzinger did all last season of “X Factor,” and just by virtue of being Britney Spears, Britney will be better at it.)
“X Factor” doesn’t need a hyper-articulate ballbuster to do this job and do it well. The time of sharp, critical insight on the singing shows — which initially seemed so crucial to “Idol’s” massive success — has passed. If viewers regularly lament how dull and plodding the judging rounds are now that even Cowell has tempered his honesty, “Idol” remains the biggest show on television with a judging panel that consists of Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson, a group as likely to insult a singer as call a newborn baby ugly.
But even if all that’s required of Spears is a season’s worth of banal compliments, that will add up to more sustained speaking than Spears has ever publicly done before. Rarely, if ever, has there been a person as famous as Britney Spears who talks so infrequently. Her most famous moments are all gestural — dancing in music videos, performing on the stage at some MTV awards show, shaving her head, bashing a window. Long before her breakdown, she displayed an uncanny tendency to speak in linguistic white noise, to say sentences that contained almost no content, just lots of y’alls and “you knows” and “oh my goshes” and a basic mood of sweetness, excitement, gratitude, eventually disconnect, and more recently, in her conservatorship years, anxiety and discomfort.
If this doesn’t make Spears a perfect judge for “X Factor” it should make her a perfect character for “X Factor.” The drama of Britney — how she will be, what she will say, and how she will hold up — is a story line at least as compelling as the one that will play out with the performers, if not far more so. We’ve been watching her for 13 years, not merely half a TV season. It’s possible “X Factor” will be as good for her career as “Idol” has been for Jennifer Lopez’s, but it’s more likely it will be uncomfortable and upsetting, a full season of watching a zonked-out Spears nervously navigate a live TV show. But we Americans owe Britney Spears a pension and worker’s comp for pain and suffering risked for our entertainment, and I’m happy a major corporation is paying it out (to the tune of $15 million). However “X-Factor” goes for Britney, I can’t wait to see what she says.
Willa Paskin is Salon's staff TV writer. More Willa Paskin.
“Mad Men’s” evil twins
In an episode filled with doubles, Don shows his brilliance -- and Betty returns with a nefarious plan
Jessica Pare in "Mad Men" “I don’t like going in with two ideas – it’s weak.”
A strange statement coming from a man with a dual identity and often hidden motives, but then “Dark Shadows,” the latest “Mad Men” episode, is rife with competitive doubles, if not actual evil twins. (Just like in a soap opera, wink wink.) Don and Ginsberg have dueling SnoBall campaigns, Peggy reminds Roger she’s supposed to be his secret sharer rather than that schlemiel Ginsberg, Megan struggles to be friends with both Sally and Don, Henry’s torn between two candidates he’s worked for, and everyone seems to have at least two wives – even if Pete’s second one belongs to another man. Unlike the SnoBall fight with Ginsberg that he rigs, Don wins the wife competition fair and square by having three, even if one was in name only. As Betty tells Sally when she works on her family tree, “They only care about the names anyway.”
Continue Reading CloseNelle Engoron is a freelance writer, an Open Salon blogger and the author of "Mad Men Unmasked: Decoding Season 4." More Nelle Engoron.
Child acting’s new golden age
From Chloe Grace Moretz to "Shameless," kids aren't just getting more roles -- they're actually good. What changed?
Chloë Moretz in "Hick" “Never work with children or animals” is an old W.C. Fields chestnut that, for a while in the ’90s and ’00s, everyone outside of children’s entertainment seemed to be holding sacred. Child actors were off on their own in a parallel entertainment universe created by Disney and Nickelodeon, while adults held down the fort in dramas and reality shows. There were some notable exceptions, like Haley Joel Osment and Christina Ricci, but by and large, children were almost entirely absent from grown-up entertainment.
Continue Reading CloseMichael Barthel is a PhD candidate in the communication department at the University of Washington. He has written about pop music for the Awl, Idolator, and the Village Voice. More Michael Barthel.
Please don’t cancel my favorite show
"Parks and Rec," "30 Rock" and "Parenthood" sneak through for another year. Why do we get so anxious over TV shows?
Amy Poehler in "Parks and Recreation" It’s that time of the TV year, when I find myself humming “Dayenu” all day.
“Dayenu,” the official anthem of Passover, is a song of gratitude, one thanking God for all that he did to free the Jews from slavery. The lyrics make a list: Each line enumerates something awesome and imperative that God did, before ending with “Dayenu,” which means “It would have been enough.” However, “paradoxically” (as my Haggadah puts it), the Jews really needed God to do many more awesome and imperative things, one example of which is then mentioned in the next line of the song. If God had gotten the Jews out of Egypt, “it would have been enough,” except, actually, he then had to part the Red Sea, which “would have been enough,” except, actually, he then had to provide food, “which would have been enough,” except, actually, and so and so forth until the Jews are safely tucked away in Israel with the 10 Commandments and a temple.
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Willa Paskin is Salon's staff TV writer. More Willa Paskin.
TV’s creepiest corpses
Ten network shows usually open with a murder. That's 200 deaths each season. Which one was the gnarliest?
A still from "Bones" The network TV season ends this month, and with it a significant amount of carnage. There are currently 10 network shows — “Bones,” “Criminal Minds,” “The Mentalist,” “Castle,” “Body of Proof,” the three “CSIs,” and the two “NCISes” — that typically begin with a murder, the expected first beat in any crime procedural. This amounts to approximately 200 corpses a year, 200 dead bodies intended to entertain, to be prurient but not too prurient, disturbing, but not too disturbing. How do these shows make murder not only palatable, but a thing that millions of people want to watch after a long day’s work? In contravention of common sense, avoiding the dead bodies altogether does not seem to be an option.
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Willa Paskin is Salon's staff TV writer. More Willa Paskin.
It pays to be trash TV
"2 Broke Girls" is unfunny and racist -- and it knows it. Then why are so many people watching?
Beth Behrs and Kat Dennings in "2 Broke Girls" TV was created to sell soap. It’s not glorious, but there it is. For most of its not very long history, television was a medium designed to get an audience to stay tuned for the next set of commercials. It’s only in the last two decades that making quality TV — nudged along by a trickle, and then a flood, of ambitious showrunners with explicitly artistic intentions — has become an end unto itself, a socially valuable, prestige and brand burnishing endeavor, ratings be damned. The rise of “quality TV” doesn’t mean that workaday TV, some of it fun and escapist and satisfying, has ceased to exist. If “Mad Men” and “CSI” coexist fairly peacefully, there is still a TV fault line where art and commerce rub against each other, and no show this year has exemplified the difficulties of navigating that fault line quite like CBS’s “2 Broke Girls,” which wraps up its first season tonight. “2 Broke Girls” has always aimed to sell soap, but because of its pilot and its pedigree, it got mislabeled as art. It has spent the rest of this TV season getting kicked, hard, out of the gallery.
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Willa Paskin is Salon's staff TV writer. More Willa Paskin.
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